Pogre ( member #86173) posted at 6:40 PM on Monday, December 15th, 2025
she really behaved with him as a friend.
I'm sorry my friend, but...
They only had these moments that started and ended with intercourse.
Those moments negate any type of "just friends" claim. This was a full blown affair. Just because they didn't have intercourse every time they met doesn't mean there wasn't an emotional component to it. There is such a thing as an emotional affair, and it can be just as devastating as a full blown physical affair. I think perhaps this is something you might need to come to terms with.
Where am I going... and why am I in this handbasket?
Fabricus (original poster new member #86830) posted at 6:44 PM on Monday, December 15th, 2025
The fact is I have accepted this was an affair. Just I’m full sold she thought honestly she could keep this as a friendship and she actually struggled at first at understanding herself and the situation she was. While talking to her I highlighted some behaviour he had that clearly were ment to keep the affair open and that she mistook for friendship naivities (such as sleeping in the same bes as "friends").
trustedg ( member #44465) posted at 8:10 PM on Tuesday, December 16th, 2025
Being tough here, seems like you are just making excuses for her bad behavior. There is no excuse for cheating. It a betrayal of the highest order.
There are other ways to deal with anxiety, whatever she had.
I do believe some people can be friends with opposite sex, and keep it as friends only. Some can't. She cheated, betrayed you.
You say you except it was an affair, good, it was, she chose to cheat, it wasn't an accident. Could be if you don't hold her accountable she may continue, if not with him with someone else.
Me BWHim WH DDay 12/2012Married a long time, in R
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 5:09 PM on Wednesday, December 17th, 2025
You're writing a lot about your W and trying to understand her. That is a dead end. You need to start by focusing on yourself and on your thoughts and feelings.
What's going on with you? Happy? sad? Angry? Scared? Ashamed? Wanting? Not wanting? Where are you in this?
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
WB1340 ( member #85086) posted at 12:04 PM on Thursday, December 18th, 2025
"I’m pretty sure that hetero spouses should not have opposite-sex friends. Acquaintances, ok. But not friends.
And if one has cheated, for sure, no more opposite-sex friends for them.
I know it’s not a popular opinion."
This. I think you were invited to the museums, etc. only because it would have been suspicious had you not and they knew you would probably decline so win-win for them
Your wife was enjoying the best of both worlds. She had you at home for Safety and Security and she had him for fun and excitement and validation
Her being sad that he ended all communication is a big slap in your face IMO. She should be terrified that you will divorce her but she's not because she knows/assumes you are not even considering it which gives her the power/control of the relationship
D-day April 4th 2024. WW was sexting with a married male coworker. Started R a week later, still ongoing...
